When I say that out loud, it seems like a long time; when I think back over the past 20 years, it passed in a blink.
This day, twenty years ago, I heard a man present the gospel to a group of teens. I was sitting there with quite a few friends, listening as he explained how we are dead in our trespasses and sins, unable to atone for our sins. I had heard this message countless times, but for some reason, that night, I realized it applied to more than the people sitting around me—it actually applied to me. For the first time I realized I was the sinner in desperate need of a Savior, and I had been taking my eternal destiny far too much for granted. That night I knew I could confidently say, “I once was lost, but now am found; once was blind, but now I see.”
I can’t say the last 20 years of Christian life have been easy. I’ve gone through serious rounds of depression and suicidal ideation (including several attempts), a year + under church discipline, loss of close friends and relationships, and four churches. I spiritually “grew up” under the teaching and care of one pastor, consistently. I have been incredibly blessed by the ministry of this pastor, his family, and the church family.
My understanding of faith and the gospel has grown over the past 20 years. At first, it was easy to believe—I was a teenager. I’m an American. My friends were mostly Christian (so we thought). What’s so hard about that? My family has a history with several different religious associations (Scientology, Mormonism, Jehovah’s Witness, Unity). All of them “seemed” Christian-like to me, until I started reading my Bible and learning the differences. It wasn’t always clear to me, but it was easy to believe. I had a childlike faith. My mantra was simply, “God said it, I believe it, that settles it.”
Then I grew up.
I think there’s a very valid point to Peter Pan. The mantra for Peter Pan was to stay a kid forever; to never grow up. As adults we look at that and think, “oh, how irresponsible it is for an adult to think like that!” Many hours of counseling are invested into people who refuse to grow up and take responsibility. Peter Pan became a story we read to our children and smile, remembering what it was like to not have a care in the world.
Growth in grace—becoming more like Christ—progressive sanctification—these are three ways of saying the same thing. This is our goal in life. We are to grow, to mature, to progress, and to become more like Jesus. I’ve taken two steps forward and six steps backwards so many times, I forget what dance I’m practicing! I’ve had several times I’ve questioned the date of January 27, 1995. Was I really saved then? I mean, would a truly born again Christian try to kill herself, struggle with deep depression, idolize people to the point where she ended up under church discipline and have strained relationships with others within the body of Christ? Is that even possible?
I am here to tell you that yes, it is possible. A Christian can struggle deeply with life dominating sins and live for years under the crushing weight and guilt of condemnation, trying to do everything in her own power to stand righteous before the Lord. A child of God will not be able to stay there, though. That's what separates the sheep from the goats. It takes these struggles—these wilderness wanderings—to break down the walls of pride and cause us to lose the self-righteous ideology that somehow we are able to walk out the Christian life on our own. Many of us are saved by grace, but try to live by works, forgetting all about the grace of God that saved you. The grace of the gospel isn't simply what saves you—it is what keeps you!
There comes a time when you have to lay down your intellectualism, lay down your pride, lay down your person, and remember Peter Pan; remember what it is like to be a child, without a care in the world. Remember childlike faith. Remember that, “God said it, I (must!) believe it, and that settles it.” Remember, more importantly, the words of Jesus: “And He called a child to Himself and set him before them, and said, “Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever then humbles himself as this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 18:2–4)
We must grow up. We are to become more like Christ, and He grew up! You cannot stay as a child in your faith—however, you should continue to believe as a child—absolute dependence and trust in the One who loves and guides you. We adults tend to forget what faith looks like through the eyes of a child. We lose the awe, the wonder. It becomes formulaic, routine, required. Don’t forget what is so amazing about grace. If you've forgotten what is like to be a child, go outside (providing there isn't snow on the ground) and examine a blade of grass. Look closely at a lady bug, or rolley polley. Lay back and watch the clouds float over your head, and look for shapes. Look for the majesty and wonder of God. Play in the dirt, and think about where you came from. Play with a puppy and laugh. Enjoy what the Lord has created, and marvel at His creation of you! Childlike faith leads to worship. Worship is what we were created for, to enjoy God and glorify Him forever. As John Piper says, missions exist because worship does not. So worship, my friend! Worship, and behold!
If there is one thing I want to say to you after twenty years of walking in this faith, it is this: look at the Lord through the eyes of a child, with that amount of trust and dependence. He is the only one who knows your heart in its entirety (even better than you know it!) and still chooses to love you. In fact, He loved you so much He sent His Son to die on the cross for your sins, so that you will not be separated from Him forever. He knows all the times you’ve messed up, and how awful that might be. This is what keeps you from Him—your sin. Your just reward is eternal separation from Him. Your best effort on your own merit is as good as filthy rags. You cannot earn your way to God, nor can you do enough good deeds to appease His righteous wrath and just judgment of sin. Apart from Christ, you have no hope. But! Oh, but God! He always provides hope, a way of escape. He sent a remedy, a cure for the stain of sin. It can be hard to believe because we look at it as an adult. It seems impossible. “You don’t understand what I’ve been through! You don’t know what I’ve done!” No, my friend, I don’t—but He does. He knows, and in spite of yourself, reaches out to you anyway. Lay down your defense, your pride—look with faith as that of a child, and behold your God! Repent from your sin—turn away—and turn to the Cross.
It is life changing.
Now, for a bit of rejoicing. These lyrics bring a smile to my face—I dance every time it comes on. Click here and enjoy the video—and if you’re one of the redeemed, then SHAKE!
"Shake" by Mercy Me I just can't believe Where my life was at All that I know is that my heart was broken And I don't ever wanna go back
Ain't no explanation How I saw the light He found me and set me free And it brought me back to life
Blame it on the transformation Changed down to the core His love is real And I can't sit still Cause my name's not shamed no more
Great God Almighty, gonna change this Great God Almighty, He gonna change me
You gotta shake, shake, shake Like you're changed, changed, changed Brand new looks so good on you So shake like you've been changed
Come on and shake, shake, shake like you changed Shake, shake, shake like you changed
Maybe He came to you When everything seemed fine Or maybe your world was upside down and hit you right between the eyes No matter when it happened At 7 or 95 Move your feet 'cause you are free And you've never been more alive
You gotta shake, shake, shake Like you're changed, changed, changed Brand new looks so good on you So shake like you've been changed
Come on and shake, shake, shake Like you're changed, changed, changed Brand new looks so good on you So shake like you've been changed
Come on and shake, shake, shake like you changed Shake, shake, shake like you changed Shake, shake
Great God Almighty, gonna change me Great God Almighty, He gonna change me Great God Almighty, gonna change me Great God Almighty, He gonna change me
A single woman in her 30's who drinks coffee and tea almost as much as she breathes. In school pursuing a masters degree in Biblical Counseling. Loves to write about that, and more. Grab a cup of caffeine, join me . . .