Have you ever had a moment where you wonder what everybody else expects of you, thinks of you, wonders what you're going to do with yourself? I've had those thoughts a lot. In all honesty, these thoughts used to consume my thinking and dictate my behavior and responses to others around me. What if I don't live up to her expectations? What if I fail to do or be what he expects of me? What if I mess "it" up? What if someone disapproves? What if I disappoint them? What if they reject my idea, or even worse, reject me?
Well, my friends, I'm here to tell you this: all of those things have happened. I have failed people; I have missed the mark, failed to live up to expectations, I've been disapproved of (personally, and my ideas), and I have been rejected, on a professional and personal level.
So now what?
There is an underlying theme to all of those questions above. There is a common denominator in speech--namely, every question begins with the same thing: "what if?" What if? I lived my life for years in the land of what if. It isn't a fun home. It is consumed by fear and anxiety that are crippling. After a while, it changes who you are as a person. It changes your identity. It changes your heart.
Fear of man. Ever heard of it? "The fear of man is a snare." The first time I had that Bible verse pointed out to me (that I recall, at least), I was stumped. Yes, I was afraid of speaking to some people (like the time when I was absolutely terrified to ask the person behind the counter at McDonalds for extra ketchup packets when I was little, or the time a teacher would walk by and glance over my shoulder to look at my work--I wanted to crawl into a hole more than I wanted that teacher to correct me!). I simply thought I was shy. I do vividly remember reading Little Women, and noting the character of Beth and her demeanor. She was the sister known for being shy--the quiet one, the timid one, the one viewed by her sisters as sensitive and caring. They wouldn't laugh at something she said, even if they thought it funny, because they didn't want to hurt her feelings. These things stood out to me, and I consciously made the decision to emulate those characteristics in my life. Maybe people will be kinder to me, and not laugh at me if they know I'm sensitive, and I'll remind them of Beth--and it will be okay, was how I thought. I lived this way in my thinking for years. I hadn't realized how much a part of my functioning identity it had become. When I became a Christian, I remember reading about women having a gentle and quiet spirit--and again, I thought of Beth. I thought I was okay in that department, because I was shy and sensitive. Aren't those synonyms? I did not realize, at the time, that I was enslaved to fearing man's opinions and words.
Fearing man, I learned, was sin.
Sin.
That was a punch to the gut for me. The one thing I admired most about Beth March was a manifestation of pride and selfish, self-centered heart. Those are not words a sensitive heart wants to hear, right? They aren't words a prideful heart set on protecting herself from the world and its hurts wants to hear, either. But learning this was sin was, perhaps, one of the most important life lessons I have ever had put before me. It is what is called a life dominating sin--a sin pattern so deeply ingrained into who you are and your natural responses to life, that you spend the rest of your life fighting against it. And truthfully, it is a lesson I'm still learning, and will until He takes me Home.
So what's the fix? What needs to change? What is the solution to the heart that is gripped by fear of man? It is a two step process you will spend the rest of your life perfecting.
The first step, I believe, is redefining your identity. What has it become? What do you desire above all--to be safe and protected? To be well liked and respected? To be everyone's friend on some level? It is important to realize and understand how this kind of thinking is defining your identity, the core of who you are. As a Christian, our identity is to be in Christ, and Christ alone. Learning and understanding what that means can be a process and take time, and understand that is as individual as you are. You have to identify and learn what things replace the Lord in your heart as your identity, and come to grips with it as sin, as idolatry. Anything that is most important to you, that consumes your thinking, that you are willing to sin to obtain--these things are idols that must be forsaken and replaced with a right worship and focus on the Lord. Understanding your identity in Christ is the most important part of changing the heart that is set on self protection and self worship. A really good portion of Scripture to meditate on as you do this is the book of Ephesians. It tells you all about your identity, and what it should be. The first half of the book (chapters 1-3) is a theology lesson on who you, Christian, is in Christ. The next three chapters tells you what that looks like in your life. It is your manual to reshaping your identity.
The second step is so closely tied to the first I hesitate to call it a step, but it is. This is the application part of the theology you know--the how to portion of the manual. This is the part where you learn what the opposite of fearing man is truly. To not fear man is to fear the Lord--to start caring more about what the Lord says and wants than you care about what others think and say. This is a process, as you have to make the conscious decision to fear (or honor) the Lord more than you fear (or honor, or worship) other people and their opinions. It is a painstaking process as you forsake, or put off, the old man, the old sin habits, and learn how to walk in your identity as a child of God. It isn't easy, but it is what the Lord requires of you. This is walking with your God; this is becoming less and less like your old nature, and more and more like your new nature, or identity, in Christ. It is becoming less and less like Beth March, and more and more like a woman who desires the Lord's glory and honor more than her own.
If you, like me, find this to be a struggle in your life, and aren't sure you can do this on your own, reach out--find a friend who knows you well and is willing to speak truth into your life, or find a biblical counselor or mentor in your church or area who can help you walk through this season. Becoming more like Jesus is a decision you will never regret. But it does take a willingness and transparency to change. Trust me when I say I understand how scary that thought is--but it is a decision to die to self and become more like Him every day. The old Emily I am losing it is far worth it compared to the new Emily that is emerging from the ashes--the person who stands back on her feet after her worst fears have become her reality, and she is still, somehow, breathing. More than breathing, but surviving, succeeding, changing, and becoming more and more like the One for whom her heart was made.
Well, my friends, I'm here to tell you this: all of those things have happened. I have failed people; I have missed the mark, failed to live up to expectations, I've been disapproved of (personally, and my ideas), and I have been rejected, on a professional and personal level.
So now what?
There is an underlying theme to all of those questions above. There is a common denominator in speech--namely, every question begins with the same thing: "what if?" What if? I lived my life for years in the land of what if. It isn't a fun home. It is consumed by fear and anxiety that are crippling. After a while, it changes who you are as a person. It changes your identity. It changes your heart.
Fear of man. Ever heard of it? "The fear of man is a snare." The first time I had that Bible verse pointed out to me (that I recall, at least), I was stumped. Yes, I was afraid of speaking to some people (like the time when I was absolutely terrified to ask the person behind the counter at McDonalds for extra ketchup packets when I was little, or the time a teacher would walk by and glance over my shoulder to look at my work--I wanted to crawl into a hole more than I wanted that teacher to correct me!). I simply thought I was shy. I do vividly remember reading Little Women, and noting the character of Beth and her demeanor. She was the sister known for being shy--the quiet one, the timid one, the one viewed by her sisters as sensitive and caring. They wouldn't laugh at something she said, even if they thought it funny, because they didn't want to hurt her feelings. These things stood out to me, and I consciously made the decision to emulate those characteristics in my life. Maybe people will be kinder to me, and not laugh at me if they know I'm sensitive, and I'll remind them of Beth--and it will be okay, was how I thought. I lived this way in my thinking for years. I hadn't realized how much a part of my functioning identity it had become. When I became a Christian, I remember reading about women having a gentle and quiet spirit--and again, I thought of Beth. I thought I was okay in that department, because I was shy and sensitive. Aren't those synonyms? I did not realize, at the time, that I was enslaved to fearing man's opinions and words.
Fearing man, I learned, was sin.
Sin.
That was a punch to the gut for me. The one thing I admired most about Beth March was a manifestation of pride and selfish, self-centered heart. Those are not words a sensitive heart wants to hear, right? They aren't words a prideful heart set on protecting herself from the world and its hurts wants to hear, either. But learning this was sin was, perhaps, one of the most important life lessons I have ever had put before me. It is what is called a life dominating sin--a sin pattern so deeply ingrained into who you are and your natural responses to life, that you spend the rest of your life fighting against it. And truthfully, it is a lesson I'm still learning, and will until He takes me Home.
So what's the fix? What needs to change? What is the solution to the heart that is gripped by fear of man? It is a two step process you will spend the rest of your life perfecting.
The first step, I believe, is redefining your identity. What has it become? What do you desire above all--to be safe and protected? To be well liked and respected? To be everyone's friend on some level? It is important to realize and understand how this kind of thinking is defining your identity, the core of who you are. As a Christian, our identity is to be in Christ, and Christ alone. Learning and understanding what that means can be a process and take time, and understand that is as individual as you are. You have to identify and learn what things replace the Lord in your heart as your identity, and come to grips with it as sin, as idolatry. Anything that is most important to you, that consumes your thinking, that you are willing to sin to obtain--these things are idols that must be forsaken and replaced with a right worship and focus on the Lord. Understanding your identity in Christ is the most important part of changing the heart that is set on self protection and self worship. A really good portion of Scripture to meditate on as you do this is the book of Ephesians. It tells you all about your identity, and what it should be. The first half of the book (chapters 1-3) is a theology lesson on who you, Christian, is in Christ. The next three chapters tells you what that looks like in your life. It is your manual to reshaping your identity.
The second step is so closely tied to the first I hesitate to call it a step, but it is. This is the application part of the theology you know--the how to portion of the manual. This is the part where you learn what the opposite of fearing man is truly. To not fear man is to fear the Lord--to start caring more about what the Lord says and wants than you care about what others think and say. This is a process, as you have to make the conscious decision to fear (or honor) the Lord more than you fear (or honor, or worship) other people and their opinions. It is a painstaking process as you forsake, or put off, the old man, the old sin habits, and learn how to walk in your identity as a child of God. It isn't easy, but it is what the Lord requires of you. This is walking with your God; this is becoming less and less like your old nature, and more and more like your new nature, or identity, in Christ. It is becoming less and less like Beth March, and more and more like a woman who desires the Lord's glory and honor more than her own.
If you, like me, find this to be a struggle in your life, and aren't sure you can do this on your own, reach out--find a friend who knows you well and is willing to speak truth into your life, or find a biblical counselor or mentor in your church or area who can help you walk through this season. Becoming more like Jesus is a decision you will never regret. But it does take a willingness and transparency to change. Trust me when I say I understand how scary that thought is--but it is a decision to die to self and become more like Him every day. The old Emily I am losing it is far worth it compared to the new Emily that is emerging from the ashes--the person who stands back on her feet after her worst fears have become her reality, and she is still, somehow, breathing. More than breathing, but surviving, succeeding, changing, and becoming more and more like the One for whom her heart was made.